The psychology of instant messaging
We are using instant messaging a lot (IM). Our team is working remotely and IM helps us communicate. I have realized that communicating using IM can be rather difficult sometimes. One of the reasons is the lack of visual contact. The two (or more) chatting parties cannot show their body language.
The body language is important in situations where there is confrontation, opposition and reaction. It is also very important even for simple and relaxed chats. When two people try to discuss a difficult subject, it is very easy to get the wrong signals reading plain text. It would be a whole better if people were chatting face to face or even using voice.
What plays a key role is whether a person is generally pleasant when you are around them in the same room. When people smile a lot and generally approach things in a positive way, they are likely to transmit the same feelings even when someone is chatting with them using plain text. What helps, is the image of that person in the mind of the other chatting party. It’s the memories of the mood that person is in when interacting closely with the other party.
For example, when I chat with a person that is very distant and negative when I am around them, I get the same feeling when chatting with them using IM. It takes some effort to perceive what they type in a positive way even if they don’t say something in a negative way.
Being pleasant, smiling and open to your colleagues is a key factor towards a better communication even using text messaging.
Yes, i agree with your opinion, but also IM can be deceiving in such a way. By sending a smiley or by sending a lol, doesn’t mean that you are actually doing it. Therefore you can imitate lots of emotions and feelings without revealing the true intentions. That is where the memories of the mood that you are pointing out is taking place.
But my question is a bit different. What if the colleague is not pleasant and always grumpy? How are you going to communicate via IM? You have two problems to solve, the grumpiness and the remote communication.
@Theo
Yes you are right. There are always two sides in a coin.
About your question: If the colleague is always grumpy and unpleasant, then I have to say tough luck. Generally, my philosophy is to try and filter that kind of people before they are hired. Of course there is always the chance (although rare) of a pleasant person turning to a grumpy person. If I am a manager, I would try to discover the source of the problem. If I can’t and this influences the whole team in a negative way, I’ll have to go ahead and let them go.